Little Shop
by the electric phantom
Summary: COFFEE SHOP AU: Lumiere just wants to flirt with the pretty customer who ordered a latte. Why is this so complicated?


"Zank you, have a nice day," the French boy said as change hit the bottom of the quickly filling tip jar.

"You too, man," the American said as he walked away from the counter. Lumiere laughed and made a peace sign, sighing as he got his first quiet moment of the shift. _Whoever thought Fall Out Boy is relaxing is an idiot_ , he thought to himself as he bopped his head to "Uma Thurman." He was pulled out of his thoughts by his best friend and roommate Cogsworth walking in.

"Bonjour, mon ami," he said, "Your usual?" Cogsworth nodded absentmindedly as he handed him the money.

"My, quite an impressive collection!" he said, referencing the tip jar, "You'll be out of my hair in no time, won't you?"

Back when the two of them were in high school, Cogsworth had stayed with Lumiere's family when he was a foreign exchange student. They bonded over the art and food of Paris and had been best friends ever since. Now that Lumiere was in England, he lived with Cogsworth. At least, until he could get a job in the theatre district.

"If we're lucky," Lumiere said with a wink. Cogsworth chuckled and fidgeted with his tie. Suddenly, the bell tinkled sweetly, signaling another customer.

"It's a girl," Lumiere whispered.

"I know it's a girl!" Cogsworth retorted before Lumiere shushed him.

The girl who just entered was wearing a maroon sundress, a chunky black belt, and a black cardigan. In her hands she held a maroon handbag and a digital camera. She tossed her head, showing off her tomboyish haircut.

"Oo la la," Lumiere whispered. Cogsworth smirked at this comment.

"Keep it in your pants, pal," he said as he walked to the other end of the counter.

The girl came up to him. She was even prettier up close.

"Can I have a grande peppermint zoy latte?" she asked in broken English with a small, apologetic smile.

"Zat'll be two pounds and sixty pence, mademoiselle." She handed him the money and walked away. Cogsworth, seeing this, looked at him, wordlessly offering to be his wingman. Lumiere made a kill motion and glanced over to Angela who was, at the same time, brewing tea, fixing the girl's latte, and texting her foster kid Chip on how to get to the library. She looked up and smiled at him, a knowing twinkle in her eye.

The bell rang again, and Lumiere had to repress a groan. It was a regular, a man they referred to as the Beast, for no sane person could deal with him.

"I want a triple shot of espresso," the Beast growled.

"That may take a while, sir," Angela interrupted, "We need to brew some more."

"Where is the manager?" he roared, "This is an outrage!"

"Sir, please, lower your voice," Lumiere begged, backing up slowly, "It shouldn't take long to-"

"I WANT MY COFFEE!" he roared, slamming his fist on the counter. He pointed a finger at Lumiere, practically shoving it up hi nose.

"Get me my espresso or I'll rip your limbs off!" Neither barista could move anything except their eyes, which were widened in horror. The only person who moved was the dark-haired girl, who slipped into the restroom.

 _Probably going to go out the window,_ Lumiere thought, _Can't blame her._

"I'll get the espresso on," Angela said, barely above a whisper.

"You better," the Beast growled as he pulled out his phone. As he saw what app was being opened, Lumiere finally understood why it was called yelp. As they waited in silence for the coffee, he debated who was most likely to kill him. The Beast, for his lack of immediate espresso, his boss, for giving them a bad review, or Cogsworth, for getting into trouble and likely losing his job.

All at once, too many things happened for anyone other then a barista with ADHD could comprehend. The espresso dinged, signaling that it was ready. The dark-haired girl ran out of the bathroom, changing the settings on her camera as she did so. Two constables broke down the door. One was short and chubby, looking unsure what to do. His partner, on the other hand, looked like he was ready to begin shooting _Magic Mike 3._

"Hands in the air!" the muscular one shouted. The Beast shouted a war cry before charging at him. The short one pulled out his taser, but his partner simply put the Beast into a chokehold.

"Sacre bleu!" Lumiere cried as the Beast went towards the ground, gasping for air. Then he began to roar, throwing the muscular constable off of him and charging at Lumiere.

"Oh mon Dieu!" the girl cried as fist connected with face and blood began gushing out of his nose. He cried out in pain as the Beast went to hit him again. Suddenly, the Beast began twitching intensely. Then there was a loud thud as he fell to the ground, revealing who had tasered him.

"What was that for, LeFou?" the muscular one asked.

"He was freaking me out!" LeFou defended.

It only took five minutes for the EMT's to get there. The moment they did, a brunette girl slapped the muscular constable in the face.

"You idiot!" she shouted, "Someone could have died! This guy looks like he's been taking steroids since he was two!" Her coworkers took the Beast to the hospital and she stayed to take care of Lumiere.

"Thank goodness," she whispered as she cleaned him up, "He completely shattered the cartilage, but none of it seems to have gotten in your eye or brain. It's a miracle." He smiled shyly up at her. She brushed a piece of hair off of her face before grabbing the bandages.

"But it was completely irresponsible of Gaston nonetheless! LeFou had the right idea with the taser. But a chokehold?" Lumiere chuckled.

"I doubt ze reporters mind." Belle also chuckled as they watched three identical blonde reporters chasing Gaston all around the crime scene.

By the time he was done being fixed by the EMT, Angela had already left. Unable to drive himself home due to laughing gas, he almost asked LeFou for a ride because he really didn't want to call Cogsworth.

"Bonjour," someone said. He turned around to see the dark-haired girl.

"Zey would not let me check on you, so I waited," she said, answering the question he was about to ask.

"I'm Lumiere," he said. She chuckled.

"I know."

"How?"

"You are still wearing your name tag." He blushed.

"Zey gave me gas," he informed her. She giggled.

"Do you need a ride home?" she offered.

"Lumiere!" Cogsworth shouted as he came running towards him, "Why didn't you call me? I shouldn't have to watch the news to find out why you're not home on time on soufflé night!"

Babette watched this with some amusement.

"We're not a couple; he's just tightly wound," Lumiere said. Babette laughed as Cogsworth spluttered.

"Zey gave him laughing gas, monsieur," she explained. Cogsworth exhaled loudly.

"Oh dear lord," he whispered before composing himself.

"Come on, Lumiere," Cogsworth said, "Let's get you home." Cogsworth took him back to his car and buckled him in.

"Oh, silly me, I think I dropped my license. I'll be back in a moment."

Cogsworth came back about a minute later and began to drive them home.

"Oh mon Dieu, I'm an idiot," Lumiere muttered about halfway there, "I didn't get her number." Cogsworth chuckled and handed him a piece of paper.

"Her name is Babette."


End file.
